The Middle

I am 27 years old. According to USAToday, women's life expectancy in the United States is 81. That means that I will hit my mid-life crisis in 13 years. Yikes.  In the quote above from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Darcy is referring to his love for the heroin of the book, Elizabeth Bennett. He articulates in one single quotation exactly what I have realized so recently.  I am in the middle of my life before I have even known (or realized) it has already begun.

So many times I have thought, "As soon as <insert life event> happens, life will truly begin.  Wow. How small minded is that?  Life HAS started.  I am closer to the middle of my life than I am to the beginning of it! WOW.

Discontentment is one of those things that creeps up on me during ever season of my life. Every.Single.One.  I read verse after verse about being content, and then I continually fall back into the pattern of hoping for something more. Here is a list of things that I remember telling myself....

Once I graduate high school I will finally be able to....
Once I graduate college, I will meet....
Once I find a job I will be.....
Once I find a better job I will be.....
Once I get back from Bolivia, I will.....
Once I get married we will have....
Once we pay off my student loans we can....
Once we get a better car we can buy....
Once we buy a house we can have....
Once we have a child we can....

And my most recent favorite,

Once I lose weight I will....(more on this one later)

How pathetic am I?  Never cherishing the moments and the memories that I experienced when I was counting down to the next life event.  When I'm 81, I know I'm going to look back on those life events and wish I experienced them differently.  But I'm not 81. So I don't know HOW to experience them differently.  I don't know HOW to cherish moments.  Because before I know it, they pass me by, and I'm looking forward to the next thing.

In Hebrews it says,

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' Heb. 13:5

I've never had a love of money, but I have a love for the things money can buy.  I have a love for the nonmaterial things that I wish would happen in my life.  So I need to choose to be content with what I have.  I need to choose to be content with my husband the way he is.  I need to choose to be content with the place in which God has me right now.  That starts with gratitude.  Thankfulness.  A thankful heart.  So often I forget to stop and thank God for the things with which he has blessed me.

Here is a list of blessings God has given me right now that I should be content with.

A God that loves me unconditionally
A husband that loves me even when I refuse to love myself.
Two beautiful families that care for me and love me.
Friends who hold me accountable AND pray for me.
An apartment that is perfect in both rent and quality
A car that was given to me, just because.
The ability to not live paycheck to paycheck

I guess we shouldn't be content.  Right? We should be longing for eternity. The fact that none of these life events fulfill me should go to show that I will only truly be fulfilled in Christ.  In Him who has the power to make all of this go away or to give me more or to give me eternity.  He is the One and only thing that should cause contentment in me and in my circumstances.
I am so small minded sometimes.  So focused on the details, that I forget the big picture.  This life's purpose is simply to enjoy Him and love Him forever. Everything else is just a bonus.

God--satisfy my hunger.  Kill the hunger with a burning passion for you and you alone.

Be blessed,
Rachel